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        Movie Reviews in 50 Words: (U)

        Ultraviolet (2006)
        Whenever swords are lit on fire, it’s a sure sign of cinematic disaster. The spiritual successor to Equilibrium sees Jovovich furiously grimacing as she protects a boy who may carry the cure for futuristic vampirism. Gun Kata preaches the avoidance of bullets, but this flick runs straight into the gunfire.

        Bury it


        Unbreakable (2000)
        Instead of unleashing a cathartic display of superpowers in this story about a bone-brittle eccentric who seeks out an unassuming hero, Shyamalan treats us to some light feats of strength inflicted on a few anemic villains. His trademark twist ending only screws the coffin lid tighter on this weaker offering.

        Bury it


        Underworld (2003)
        Apologies to Béla Lugosi and actual vampires. We don’t really think you look like twentysomethings who just ate an entire Hollywood afterparty. Here are the only five words that could upgrade this to a rental as bloodsuckers battle werewolves, terrible acting, and woefully thin characterizations: Kate Beckinsale in a catsuit.

        Borrow it


        Underworld: Evolution (2006)
        Witness werewolf-vampire love blossom as you descend even deeper into largely incoherent backstories about each race. Wiseman doubles down on the prior entry, pushing even specialer special effects, 25% more gore, and extra overacting from Bill Nighy, who makes a brief appearance in the intro. They couldn’t stop him, apparently.

        Borrow it

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